Say no evil, dream no evil

I'm in a bit of a pickle. Saturday night after a few drinks with the wonderful Miss McQueen and having eaten a grand total of a single sandwich all day, I suddenly found myself receiving a call from the King of Spades. He had been out hunting all day and I think he was just thinking of me. But as it turns out I was a little more drunk than I thought since I can't really remember the conversation. I do remember he had me in tears at one stage. I must have admitted I still had feelings for him and must have told him that I was disappointed he never made more of an effort to make things work - or frankly even make things formal between us because he's been messaging and calling ever since. And last night he even brought up the conversation saying he 'never realised half the things I had told him'. Ah oh. Problem.
 
Despite the mysterious conversation, I'm now trying to piece together; my problem is, and our problem has always been - we live on opposite sides of the world in opposite cultures. And to me, that's a HUGE problem.
 
That's not so bad you say. Well I beg to differ, he's of the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' variety and conversely, I've tried to do the long distance thing. And I side with the 'out of sight, out of mind' crowd. Long distance...simply put? It doesn't work, no matter how much I love someone when I'm with them, and I miss them when they're not there, you can't 'get close' with an ocean between you. It's not possible. Sorry to burst any bubbles. Yes, you can talk, yes you can listen, yes, you can learn a lot about the other person - but to me, nothing beats the good old fashioned one on one interaction that you get when you spend time (in person) with someone.
 
It's the same reason I refuse to internet date. How can you know who someone is with just words? Hemmingway / Take That and the Bee Gees all wrote, 'It's only words and words are all I have'. Well I don't plan on ending up that way. Don't get me wrong, words are great, some of the most special gifts anyone has ever given me were composed entirely of words. Promises, dreams, declarations of love, poetry, little songs, screaming matches, stories and letters - and all composed almost entirely of words. And yet in the end - they mean virtually nothing. Its the actions. The stolen flower on a Sunday afternoon walk, the opening of a door, the smile when your frowning, the arm around a shoulder, the presentation of a ring and the gentle nudge toward the steepest waterslide you were dying to ride until you looked down from a glorious height. Those are the things that matter.
 
And so once again, he and I have ended up back at the beginning, not by any fault of our own, but by virtue of circumstance. And I fear because we don't live close enough to date seriously again, fall completely in love, panic, fight, get sick of each other, dissipate and fall apart we're going to be left dreaming. And if it's even possible, I think dreaming is even worse than talking. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil - i think there should be another one...dream no evil.