What's in a name?

It seems everything in my life gets a nick name. Most of my friends seem to have nick names with incredible stories and somehow we manage to customise names for the most inane and boring. But for the more exciting, well they deserve a little more time and thought - tots reas (totally reasonable).

So, strangely on the same note - I went to have a sexual health check recently and found out I had a minor thrush infection. Sorry if that was too much information, but you'll deal. That evening I burst into Miss Longchamp's apartment and much to the hilarity of herself and her husband, regaled details of an evening being prodded behind a blue cotton curtain for, frankly, far longer than really necessary.

Well the results arrived today. By text message, as they do. And more than that, they arrived from someone who looks like a previously saved contact. As far as I can remember I haven't recently save the doctor's surgery as 'Thrush'. But a shout out to whoever invented that sneaky iPhone app. In honesty, I did think it was hilarious - primarily because it confirmed that I didn't have anything rather more serious and I'd already had a one tablet treatment for the the offending infection. But still, it got me thinking. Instead of changing names in my phone to 'do not answer' when I'm done with men, perhaps I could convert them to the most appropriate parting scenario to remind me of just how much I don't want to answer? Then that little twinge inside me wouldn't itch and say, 'ooo just pick up', give him the benefit of the doubt...

The Milkman - Houdini, the ultimate disappearing act
Dutchy - Baby daddy
Hercules - Gutless wonder
English Gentleman - Nasty with a top hat, spot of death cricket anyone?
HMV Poacher aka HMV Stalker - I think I actually have to keep Do Not Answer on this one for police guideline reasons
Just-in - Just-insist you like men, its ok
Suit and Tie - Met and married the Venus fly trap in 3 months, one word - desperate
Mr Big - Train Wreck, enough said
The Norwegian - Cold as ice

I think ring tones could be changed too, sounds of bombs dropping, rapid fire guns, screeching cats, vomiting, Celine Dion ballads, screaming babies, fingernails on a chalk boards, boats hitting icebergs, soap opera arguments and crazy frogs. I'd be darting to end the jarring ring tone rather than running to pick the damn thing up.

To be fair, as far as nick names go, I don't really care what they are 'officially called', I'll be calling them something else. And that's not to say I'm pre-planning their demise by giving them personas; for example, the newest addition The 20% Russian, or laughing at them like yesterday's run in with The Faux Sopranos. But I'll put it this way, as long as they are a character the story doesn't seem quite so personal, nor quite as disappointing if that's what they somehow end up being.

And on the bright side - the Thrush is gone but I'm yet to delete it as a phone contact, you never know when I'll have to ignore the Doctor's call and always like to play it safe.