Retract statement - the 'id' is out.

I retract all of last night's post. I'm bored not calm. The 'kill me now, there is no excitement in my life' - style of bored.

It's because for some reason, unknown to the logical me, I expected the 20% Russian to ask me to dinner tonight. I know I shouldn't have admitted that but I'm just being honest here. Since Miss Mulberry pointed out the horrible effects of expectations about 2 years ago I have tried to avoid having expectations of others, even if I have very high ones for myself. It was one of those life-changing pieces of advice that sink deep into your core and resonate like a piercing dolphin sonar. Simply put - it changed me and the way I relate to others.

Hence I try to keep my expectations to a minimum only to be rewarded when people surprise and go above and beyond. It might sound downtrodden but it’s hard to be disappointed when you didn’t hope in the first place. So if this is the focus I try to maintain, then please explain to me how or why I managed to get the notion into my head that the Russian would want to go out tonight? Or in fact, at all? But specifically, tonight of all nights?

Sometimes I think I'm following a set of rules my subconscious mind invents just to mess with the conscious me not to be confused which the conscience of me - which doesn't really care at all. Remember Freud's 'id' / 'ego' / 'super-ego' anyone? No? Fine. But Freud or not does anyone else get this, or am I slowly going nuts? Actually, don't answer that.

Look either way I'm looking at some serious issues which I'm starting to believe are being generated by the fact that I've reduced numbers in 2010. And I don't know if I like it.

Mr. Shedd I believe you were right, ships might be safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for. I am not a vessel of any sort, but in this case, I need to go out, drink cocktails and get rid of my expectations and my 'id' – ha ‘id’ - whoever that little guy is.