Out Of Office Reply

Is it rational that I've turned into a crack addict over my impending doom. Sorry, did I say that? I meant my holiday. It's freaking me out. I'm not standing on a joyous precipice, straining eagerly to embark on a refreshing, gratifying, relaxed, rainbow milkshake of an adventure. Quite the contrary. While my holiday is shaping up to be one of the more interesting journeys I've made in a while, I am about to melt with the possible prospect of the Western World falling apart in my absence.

Am I so enculturated in the flaccid corporate world that I now feel hesitant venturing into the real world again? Sunshine - horror, no deadlines - torture, sleeping in and days to spend how I choose - unthinkable? Wow, I think I really have to evaluate my life right now. Only two days ago I had an enlightened moment, declaring that I was feeling cleansed without my blackberry. It was short-lived. I'm again avec deux portable devices after a mini lapse. And like an addict with a fresh supply of crack I'm back in my dependant hole of email surety, relieved that I can cut off the electronic blood supply and inject a little self fulfilling panic with each message vibration.

It's like I can't feel at ease with the world unless I'm tied to a desk, waiting on a call, checking an email whilst looking out the window dreaming of sunny fields, blue skies and a bottle of rose. And yet, now I can open the garden gate and run, and I'm scared. That's right, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm scared. I could say that I'm scared that the world will fall apart, but I don't think that's the case. In honesty I'm scared everything will be just fine and I won't be needed or even missed. And beyond rainbow milkshake holidays, to me that's more scary than anything. Being consigned to oblivion.

In spite of this - can someone please hold the place together while I'm out? Water the plants, walk the 20% Russian and feed the cat. I'll leave the keys under the doormat, 10 bucks on the kitchen counter for incidentals and I'll owe you a favour. I promise I'll be back soon, so don't get too comfortable.