Bang Bang...my baby shot me down

Lord help me, Miss Vuitton has asked me to do a reading at her wedding. The request will, to date, be possibly the most important thing I've done in the eyes of God or a celebrant or whomever says 'you can now...share a bank account and a hotel room without judgement'. Anyway, it's very important and I'm sure there will be cake. Scarily, it's the first wedding where my participation level is higher than wearing something floral, pretending I haven't cried and just generally trying to stay out of the way.

I was most surprised by the fact that I get to pick the reading. That's a risky choice, you never know what I'm going to come up with or out with next. I asked her, rather vaguely, what I should avoid or focus on and have terrifyingly been given virtual 'free reign'. She stands just as much chance of getting a speech from Reservoir Dogs as one from A Midsummer Nights Dream.

So which path do I wander in wonder, or perhaps more aptly - simply stumble down? I've been told to avoid the whole 'I didn't know life before I met you' approach. That's fair, Miss Vuitton had a wonderfully functioning and fantastic life before her pending nuptuals thank you very much. There is no need to point out what she may be leaving behind - since, let's face it, she's already bought the dress. I guess in the same vain, other sappy things can go too, like - two halves forming a whole, two hearts beating as one, darkness becoming light, sour becoming sweet, and cringe worthy eternal and immortal love declarations. We've emerged from the 80's people, comments like that make me feel sick and I'm really hoping there will be seafood. Scollops and soppy sentimentality aren't usually the best main course- too much salty water involved.

Right. So how do I do this? I can't be realistic, I can't be graphic, I can't be indulgent or efulgent, I can't be churlish, oafish, curt, smart, fancy or artsy. So what can I be?

I guess I'm left with the only thing I know I can be - honest. I have to find something that says, life is great and life is shit, equally. Someone who says, there is no-one I want to get old, ugly and toothless with as much as I want to stay young, beautiful and energetic with, as much as I do with you. A famous person is sure to have written something along those lines. And if I can't find anything in The Love Letters Of Great Men the Sex and the City abrigded version or Wikiquote, then I'm making it up and giving a dead person credit. Besides it's a beach wedding for god's sake, I'm hardly going to crack out the Shakespeare sonnets. Then again, in all honesty, I find that (after all the shooting) the love the men have for each other in Reservoir Dogs is rather touching so perhaps if I get really stuck I could work them in somewhere.