If my sensible self had her way...

Well after only 2 days away I've been forgotten. It appears that I'm doing the calling, my text messages show no response (thank you iPhone for being so unabashed frank by showing me the entire dialogue, which is clearly a monologue currently) and despite hearing his cheerful voice and amusing stories on the other end of the phone a couple of times - I still feel abandoned somehow. Given my high maintenance nature, it's unsurprising that it's not a feeling I'm delighting in.

The 20% Russian has 2 childhood friends visiting and is exploring the city through their eyes which granted is a nice experience. But well, he must be thoroughly enjoying himself to have forgotten me so completely.

Don't get me wrong, I realise that this is a nonsensical reason to be freaking out and that's exactly why I'm writing about it. My rational, sensible self is quick to point out my over reaction, but in essence what is this blog for other than to put a voice to mental things I'm not eager to say out loud for fear of being institutionalised?

Right, so to the blog-worthy point of my freak out. In essence, why is it that I rely so heavily on other people and in this case the 20% Russian, for my emotional happiness? Others actions or attention or approval, I mean. Or, come to think of it, others non actions which as it appears can be just as potent as their actions.

I've tried finding more happiness from the inside and I think I've hit my max capacity there. What a pain, I think I'm stuck with this trait. So a minor warning to anyone who I rely on, call or don't call - just see which one causes more of a stir. I dare you.

Post script: The Russian was buying pants so that he'd be hole free and I'd be proud. My sensible self is acting very smug right now.