Friday, April 23

Baking State Of Mind

I'm cursed. I'm dating - yet another - man who thinks Alicia Keys is hot.

Look, I realise that she is, in fact, hot. Straight out of the oven in fact. I get that. But I'm starting to see a pattern here, 2 in a row? I'm baffled. If it's the case that they find her so hot, pivotal question, why are they dating me? I'm certainly not in the same batch as her, in fact I'm the virtual opposite of her - small, definitely white, only a medium sized ass and virtually no musical talent. I don't get it.

Occasionally, yes, I wear black tights, but never the shiny leather version that come up a little too high. Yes, I wear stupidly high shoes and totter around like an inebriated cupie doll but no, I'm probably never going to get mine free. Yes, every now and then I even rock braids, but mine are the sweet type, not the pet snake kind that stick to your head. (The one time I tried them ended in a disaster involving a 3 day migraine and a razored head). Alicia and I don't exactly exhibit the vital traits of sisterhood, let alone rank as women similar enough to draw the same men.

So what is it? I'm not insulted by the fact they both like her, how the hell could I be? But if, in my opinion, the aforementioned men are in no way cookie cutter versions of each other why am I so confused by the fact that it appears they have cookie cutter taste in women. That's what really worries me. I didn't think I was cut from the same mould as Ms. Keys, but it turns out according to them I am. I guess I just never thought I'd be in the same category as her exciting type of biscuit. In fact, I'd always assumed I'm a different version all together, compared to her I'm the plain cookie, no chocolate, no shiny leather and no ability to pull of the snake braids. Just call me the boring tea biscuit.

But damn it, you know what, tea biscuits can be good too, once you get to know them!