Check the weather report stat.

I'm freezing.

I've been icy for a while now and I don't really know why. The rest of my apartment is warm- but my bedroom, the place in which I find my solace and spend most of my time - with is old fashioned wooden floor and big window, well it just never seems to warm up. The water in the shower is never scorching no matter how high I turn it or how long I wait and it frustrates me no end. The only time I seem to feel genuinely toasty is when I'm hurrying somewhere rugged up against the chilling wind that oddly coerces tears from my eyes early in the morning. Tears that have nothing to do with emotion and everything to do with temperature.

The wind is aptly pulling from my body what my heart isn't sure it wants to let itself do.

No matter how hard I've tried in the last week to let go of the relationship that has ended with Hercules I still manage to feel a strange emotional coldness. A surprisingly numb feeling that has spread in a pattern inverse to the usual physical version. It creeps outwards from my heart right to the extremities. And yet, it's not uncomfortable, in fact, it's a calmness that feels eerily nurturing. I feel like I've woken up from a dream to find myself in the final stages of grieving something that I never understood but knew was somehow important to me. I can't even manage to put it into words that make sense.

I guess just because our time together was short I could assume it was unimportant. But even that, especially that, I don't think I can somehow say. I don't think I can safely relegate it to the short, sweet and meaningless category.

For the first time I don't want to analyse him or us, or whatever we had and it's a strange feeling for me. What I do find I'm feeling is the cold. Its almost like the hotter the feelings in the relationship the colder the end of it feels. And as the current numbness eventually wears away I just wonder if it is the end of the relationship that has me feeling this way, or if it's a change in my composition that I'm going to have to try and accommodate?

But for now my confusion seems to be confounded to tears only eked out by the cold weather. And to be fair, spring is only a few weeks away.